Ready to.....

I sit in my room at my desk and watch as a rain storm is moving in off the Columbia.. and I cannot help but think how much I feel like that rainstorm right now. I feel ready to burst, ready to scream, ready to punch someone, anyone who crosses me wrong. I have pent up anger and no idea why. life has been interesting these last few days, yet my dark mood remains. I am not angry at someone or something... just angry... ugh.. it's frustrating. Maybe just typing will help. Overall, I just need a hug.... I miss some of my friends from Spokane... I miss doing crazy things and just being me. I miss skinny fun Marjie. I don't like overweight worried about money/job/life boring Marjie.
I have continued to work out and really do enjoy my Zumba DVDs and on Saturday went walking with a lady I met and had a wonderful time chatting, walking, and burning calories. The hill to here house was BRUTAL but so worth it. The next day my calves hurt but it was a good hurt. On Friday I was running errands and was at the grocery store and walked down the weight lost isle. I was ready to buy some weight lost helperness... as I stood there studying labels and warnings I realized that this has no guarantee, I put the box back and went home and decided instead of doing something that could be potentially dangerous to join weight watchers. I know this works, I have seen it on many people. There even happens to be a meeting near my house! I need accountability...desperately. So tonight is my first meeting.. I am very scared about it, but know that doing something for me is a good thing. I shall beat this and fight this... I will get back to being me...someday very soon! I am sure of that. I know that God will not keep me in the storm for very long and that He will be glorified in the end. I continue to hold onto Him, as He is my stronghold. I read today in my devotional "We were under great pressure,... so that we despaired even of life... but this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." 2 Corinthians 1:8-9
It then shared this poem, which I find wonderfully helpful and brought me peace to my heart.
Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body as pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.

It gave me hope to know that no matter what happens, no matter how much I am pressed by life and all that is going on around me, in the end God will be glorified and I will be able to continue to pour Christ's love on others. I don't know if I will ever have answers as to why all this happened and what it's purpose truly was, but I do know that if I continue to put my life in His hands, it will turn out beautiful... and to that I cling, in the midst of every storm.